A bad christmas.

There's so much things i want to say.
But i just can't type it out. Kinda stuck,messed-up,confused.
Things did not change for the better, i started it and brought a full-stop to it.
I hate myself for behaving this way.
Those words,promises&everything is not a lie or any entertainment from me to you.
I know you're the one giving in all these while.
While me, i'm doing nothing. Just taking things for granted.
But think about the times when you get pissed with me when guys contact me.
I don wish to mention the names.
You get pissed over a small matter too, i'm sorry for behaving this way.
But you should know why am i behaving this way.
Why am i being so paranoid & pissed when small matters cropped up.
You felt this way before, now i can totally understand your feelings that time.
I know i should talk things out with you instead of running away from it.
Not replying you,answering you or whatever.
But whenever i'm pissed, i just want the person to FO.
I've no confidence of changing, that's why i choose this way.
I really need some time to cool down myself.
My mind is leading me instead of my heart.
I should just cool down & give a deep thought about this entire matter.