Sunday, January 6

A bad start of 2008.

Didnt really sleep, been tossing around in bed since morning.
My whole body aches right now especially my neck. Sigh.
Thoughts,nightmares,fears are running around my mind right now.
I seriously think that an overseas trip is a good idea for me.
Letting me cool down and sort out everything.
My mind is in a whirl. No idea what to do next.
I really feels like falling into a deep sleep and never wake up.
Keep searching for something exciting so that i can vent out all my unhappiness.
But it dont seems to work.
I've been trembling since morning, the weather is effing cold.
The tears just cant stop falling whenever i wake from the nightmare.
My relationship is a messed-up. Total messed-up!
Its just all my sins,retribution,karma or whatever.
I really find myself a failure. Im not a good daughter,friend or lover.
I just feels like leaving or running away from the reality.
Seriously, being a person is so hard.
I just cant stop the tears from rolling down my cheek.
Its just starting of a new year yet things came crashing down on me.
Quarrels with mom & dad almost everyday.
Ahhhh. I just feels like screaming out loud right now.
But im aware that i cant run away from the reality.
I've to stand out and face the reality. Be brave and strong.
Taking things easy. Na de qi yao fang de xia.
Ahhh! I dunno anything right now. So confused & everything.
So so so down. Why do things suddenly turned out this way?
Wth am i doing these days? Always regret when its too late.
I really just feels like running away. Ive no idea what to do next..
I just feel like bang the wall and die........

i still do miss you like crazy, there's only one word in me right now.
regret. i realised ive been a bad girlfriend causing you to have fear and lose faith in us.
all these while, you're there for me giving me the best as you could.
but me, i'm not doing anything,not putting effort and all.
always making you upset or pissed. causing you to be so tired.
all these while then i realised how much you meant to me.
how lonely and lost i felt all these while. all the stupid acts of mine; im sorry.
i guess regret is too late now. now i just hope things will be perfect for you (: